As a result of a motor vehicle accident I was involved in four years ago, I live with PTSD and Anxiety disorder, along with a few other mental conditions. Many doctors have warned me about the crippling effects these conditions can and might have on me, but I've learned to not let them control my daily life.
That was before I started planning a wedding.
Maybe it's just me, but I've always associated my anxiety attacks with the "fight-or-flight" theory described by Walter Bradford Cannon.
It seems as if, in those high-stress situations (like doctors appointments or driving in heavy traffic for me), some switch in my noggin engages and I'm trapped within a sense of fight or flight. But of course, I can't fight out of my dentist's waiting room or park my car in the middle of a four lane highway. And it's this realization, I believe, that makes me panic. My brain fixates itself on a potential escape route and emphasizes my inability to achieve it. I don't know why I do this, I just do.
Now that I'm knee-deep in planning one of the biggest days of my life, my panic attacks are occurring with increasing frequency. Arranging meetings with vendors, gathering addresses, plotting ceremony details.. the list seems to go on and on and loom over my head. It can be terrifying at times- in fact, there have been many moments that I've muttered the e-word (elopement) in efforts to avoid the whole situation.
Luckily, my fiance is absolutely wonderful and knows how to calm my nerves like no other. Throughout our entire relationship, he has shown me that I am more powerful than my anxiety. We'll make it through the planning process together, and on December 12, 2012, I will walk down the aisle a beautiful, blushing bride who has proven everyone -including herself- wrong.
No comments:
Post a Comment